Category: Let's talk
How to Have a Life
We Who have Lives have fallen into a certain wisdom that only we, the chosen, are worthy of having. We have decided after long thought and consideration to pass along a bit of this wisdom in order for you, those with no life, will hope to want to live like us and be like us.
The first thing you must understand is that nobody is given a life just by being born and existing. A life is something you must get because it is separate from yourself. Please do not think of yourself as special, important, or worthy of anything. We are, for we have lives, because we are superior. Know your place.
Now we shall tell you how to get yourself on the path of having a life.
1. Being introverted is a sin against Those Who Have Lives, your superiors. A person is only considered worthy if they spend most of their time around other people, making sure to keep the level of chit-chat up so there is no awkward silence. This will show the world, who is watching you at all times and judging you accordingly, that you are normal, which is the ultimate way to be. All people should be normal above all else, even if they are horribly unhappy.
2. What others think of you is more important than what you think of yourself. In fact, what others think must influence how you think of yourself. Please all others at all times, even if it causes contradictions or paradoxes. Remember, you are insignificant. This is truth.
3. Conform. When you see lots of people doing something, or you understand they think a certain way, stop resisting and go along, even if you don't believe it. It helps if you believe it, though. Following the rules makes you normal.
4. Do not spend most of your time during a given day doing anything Those Who Have Lives do not approve of. This includes pretty much anything fun that is not productive. Really, you should just be working, even if you hate your job.
5. Don't take too much of an interest in anything, especially if such things are things nobody as worthy as us care about. Keep track of all fads and trends.
6. If you have a life, here's how things will go. Most of your days will be spent working and commuting to and from work. When you get home, you will probably have a meal, watch TV as long as it's what everyone else is watching, and then if you have time, sleeping. On your days off, you will do what you can to avoid thinking about having to work and commute the rest of the week.
7. One of the benefits of having a life is you are free to look down upon and antagonize those who do not live like you. You have achieved chosen and worthy status, which gives you license to verbally abuse those who are obviously lesser creatures, lacking in character, fat, lazy, do-nothing, stealers of your hard-earned taxes. If your abuse is challenged or confronted, defend yourself by saying you are only telling hard truths that your victims dare not admit to themselves. If your tactics are childish or you pepper your jibes with the word "fuck" and its variants, no matter. You are superior, so all you do is right if you think it is, even if it isn't. You are above laws of courtesy and all other laws, but don't get caught.
Well put.
This is great. I want to copy it and send it to some of the people who feel they need to worry about me.
Sure, go right ahead.
Clearly posted by someone with no life then. ;)
Oh, how this makes me think of the "popular" people in highschool.
Nice work.
Of course I don't, or else I'd have to spend all my free time seeking out and then brutalizing those I thought did not have lives, even if they were total strangers, for not having a life is such a huge offence in the great and grand scheme of things isn't it? Hahahaha!